GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.
Tuesday, March 9, 8 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge

JOE MANDE (Look At This Fucking Hipster)
ROB CANTRELL (Last Comic Standing)
DAVID ANGELO (The David Angelo Radio Show)

A VERY SPECIAL GUEST? FUCK THAT SHIT. YOU'RE THE SPECIAL GUEST. (Unless a very
special guest agrees to do the show between now and then, in which case, sorry.)

Hosted by Kim Armstrong and myself.

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street between
2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the F, G, R train.)

Free!

GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.

ALI WONG (SF Weekly's Comedian of the Year 2009)

AMELIE GILLETTE (The Onion A.V. Club's Hater)

REGGIE WATTS (Late Night w/Jimmy Fallon, outer space)

and more!

Hosted by Kim Armstrong and myself.

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the F,
G, R train.)

Free!

This will probably read like the over-indulgent acknowledgments section to the first 31.5
years of my life, and for that, I'm really really sorry.

The Icons

My earliest memories of loving comedy are listening to tapes with my older brother: Eddie Murphy, George Carlin, Andrew Dice Clay, The Descendants (I think they were supposed to make young men angry, but to a 10-year-old girl, they were funny because they made fart jokes and sang about killing babies!), Weird Al Yankovic, Monty Python. Early movies that I learned word-for-word include UHF, Clue, The Toy, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Brewster's Millions, Naked Gun, Hot Shots, Young Frankenstein (and eventually,

The State. I didn't realize how much this show impacted me until I started DVRing it recently on MTV2. I turned it on, and I was surprised to find that I knew all the words to the sketches, almost 20 years later, and I was like - oh! I think I must have watched that show religiously. Now that I've performed alongside, taken classes from, and personally met a lot of the members, I'm even more amazed by their talent. I especially love Showalter and Michael Ian Black together on stage. It's special.

Other big-name comedians that I have loved over the years include Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Steve Martin, Bobcat Goldthwait, Patton Oswalt, Maria Bamford, Brian Pohsen, Bernie Mac, Zack Galifianakis, Jim Gaffigan, Doug Benson, Sam Kenison, Roseanne Barr, Flight of The Conchords, Conan O'Brien, Norm MacDonald, Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg, David Letterman, Tim Minchin, Adam Sandler, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Ricky Gervais, Dave Attel, Colin Quinn, Judy Gold, Jon Benjamin, Rob Huebel, Will Ferrell, Janeane Garofalo, Sandra Bernhard, Dennis Miller, Jim Carrey, Andy Kaufman, Dave Chappelle, and Steve Carell.

Something specific about Louis C.K.: he has saved me recently from feeling really terrible about my comedy. His self-interview on the DVD extras of "Chewed Up" really hit a chord with me. I also just saw today some footage of him at Sundance talking about "joke technology" and the importance of having feeling and truth behind what you're saying on stage. Very affirming for me. And of course, he's just utterly brilliant, so there's that.

By the way, you can totally scold me for being only vaguely influenced by Woody Allen.

The Locals

Before I get into the NYC scene I have to relay one story from a pre-NYC moment that was significant for me.

When I arrived at William & Mary, I wanted nothing more than to be on the improv team, I.T. (which stood for Improvisational Theatre). It was really important to me. I tried out freshman year, and got a callback - apparently a hard thing to do at the time. I didn't make the team, but was assured by "people who knew" that I would get on the team if I tried again the next year - that I had almost made it. So I tried out the next year, and nailed my callback, and that night, waited for them to come get me (they come get you in the middle of the night and pour beer all over you or something if you get into the group). It was ridiculous. I sat awake in my tiny tiny dorm room for hours. Every little noise from outside made me think it might be them. I was so filled with hope. And then the reality sank in: they're not coming. Then the waiting turned into total despair, and I stayed up til dawn crying. I was completely devastated. By 11 a.m. I was sitting in the Sunken Garden with my friend Mary Beth, and we had some meatball subs. A huge glob of marinara fell on my shirt while I was simultaneously eating and crying. That's when I realized how ridiculous it all was, and we couldn't stop laughing. But boy, was I crushed. I had gotten my hopes up so high.

A few months later, this group of vagabonds and I.T. rejects got together to start a sketch group (I.T. at the time was the only comedic group on campus). I went to the meeting, and looked around the room at about 35 people who seemed woefully unfunny to me. I decided I was too hurt by the rejection to try and start what appeared to be a "revenge club" with way too many people that I didn't know. About a month later, out of curiosity, I went to see this group's first show. They were called Etch-a-Sketch. (College sketch group names = second only to college a capella group names.) To my surprise, it was only 7 people or so at this point - and they were really funny. They said they were having auditions. I tried out, and got a callback. That night, they came and got me and poured beer all over me. It was glorious. They became my best friends, and by the time I graduated, we were a popular group on campus, and I was much happier there. So, what was, at first, the worst rejection I've ever felt, ended up being the best thing that ever happened. Going through that and seeing it through prepared me for the million little and big rejections that come with pursuing a career in comedy.

When I first moved to New York to pursue comedy, there were a couple of moments that really stand out in my initial impression of the comedy scene here. One: I went to a small show at B3 hosted by Nick Kroll. The comedians were good but I wasn't amazed. I was expecting to be completely blown away - I'd never been to a comedy club in my life, much less a small show that had younger, up-and-coming comedians. I'd only seen stand-up on TV. I thought NYC was going to be this intimidating scene of polished comedians. I was seeing people working stuff out in a really casual environment. Halfway through this show, however, a comedian came onto stage that I vaguely recognized. What followed was 20 minutes of total insanity. The man was so naturally funny, so improvisational (he convinced the band that was going up after the comedy show to come up on stage and do an impromptu version of "Land Down Under"). I said to my friend, "Who is he again?" She reminded me that he was in Half-Baked. Right, Dave Chappelle. That night, I thought to myself, THIS is why I'm here. I want to do that. I had no idea if I could ever do that, but I wanted to try. 9 years later, I feel like I'm only beginning to figure it out.

Another moment was going to see Eugene Mirman's show at Cinema Classics, before it was called Rififi. It was me and 3 other people in the audience. I don't remember the other comedians. I feel like he only had one or two other people booked on the show. I remember going up to Eugene after and asking if I could do the show. He asked me if I had a tape of my act. I had never even performed in New York! Ha. I was so naive. About a year later, he had started Invite Them Up, and I was doing bringer shows at Stand Up New York, open mics at B3, and tiny shows at Parkside Lounge. I had something, even if it was terrible, on tape now. So I went to Rififi one night to try and hang around and meet the comedians. I got so scared I left without even saying hello or even watching the show. I was so afraid! If I'm being totally honest, I'm still afraid of many comedians here. I think I will always have the "embarrassing kid sister that no one wants around" mentality. I will probably always feel that way around the comedy scene, no matter how far I get in my career, and no matter what the actual perception of me is. (Don't tell me, please.) I guess we all have our own self-sabotagey ways. We're comedians. We hate ourselves.

People who I worked with very early on had major influence on me - not just comedically, but in that they allowed me to dream and try things on stage that no one else would. Adam Lowitt, Erik Marcisak, Jon Friedman, and Elliott Kalan were all a part of that. Initially upon moving to the city in late 2001, I was trying to write sketch with a girl from my college sketch group, and we took level 1 together at UCB. That's where I met Adam Lowitt. He and I were performing as a sketch duo for a short time, called Lowitt & Schaefer. We had a great time. Then, Kara Lee Burk, Amanda Melson, Patrick Stubbins, and Dan McCoy, along with Erik, helped me start, write, and produce "Sara Schaefer is Obsessed with You." Erik in particular was instrumental in producing and directing it. It was the first time I got any kind of recognition in the local press and it was a thrill to do. All the wonderful people that appeared on that show were so great. Steve Byrne, Jonathan Ames, Lisa Loeb, Todd Barry, and many many others. Brian Stack sent me an email after doing my show that I still have printed out. He said something that I will never forget. Something that I can't even type here because I don't want to find out it's what he says to every up-and-coming comedian. I want to believe it was just for me.

Throughout the years, some of the people who have the biggest local impact on me include (some of these people aren't comedians, but they worked with me creatively in some capacity): Adira Amram, Katina Corrao, Becky Yamamoto, Ann Carr, Lang Fisher, Brent Sullivan, Eliot Glazer, Gabe Delahaye & Max Silvestri, Gabe Liedman & Jenny Slate, Andres DuBouchet, Tony Carnevale, Sean Taylor, Will Hines, Justin Purnell, Leo Allen, Kristen Schaal, Sean Patton, Jesse Popp, Vince Averill, Claudia Cogan, Stuckey & Murray, Rick Murphy, Dave Hill, John Mulaney, Nick Kroll, Reggie Watts, Matt Rudnicki, John Kingman, Kumail Nanjiani, Emily Gordon, Jason Reich, Anya Garrett, Jack McFadden, Edith Zimmerman, Kurt Braunohler, Eliza Skinner, Glennis McMurray, Matt McCarthy, Oren Brimer, Pete Holmes, Hannibal Buress, Livia Scott, Joselyn Hughes, Christian Finnegan, Judah Friedlander, Armando Diaz, Chris Caniglia, Justin Akin, Jon Kern, Eric Drysdale, Becky Drysdale, Tim Ellis, Jessi Klein, Roger Hailes, Rory Albanese, Jane Borden, Nick Turner, Patrick Borelli, Rob Lathan, Seth Lind, Jenny Rubin, Scott Lapatine, Saryn Chorney, Tom McCaffrey, Carolyn Castiglia, Sara Jo Alloco, Brett Gelman, Brandy Barber, Marianne Ways, Carol Hartsell, Kambri Crews, Alex Balk, Ilana Glazer, Mindy Raf, Adam Wade, Allison Castillo, Brooke Van Poppelen, Anne Harris, Anthony King, Brian Huskey, Chris Sullivan, Dan Winckler, Fed Hatoum, Greg Johnson, Jacqueline Novak, John Roberts, Jon Daly, Jordan Breindel, Victor Varnado, Chris Gethard. Oh, and a special mention of Amanda Melson and Bob Powers, who have been especially supportive, wise, and hilarious. Dear god I know this is insanely long so I'll stop.

James Luria and Andrew Zipern at AOL gave me my first chance at a comedy job, and taught me a lot about dealing with "executives." Alex Blagg, Michelle Collins, and Dan Hopper taught me how to blog. Lindsay Robertson has taught me a lot about blogging too, and about being awesome in general. At my new job, there are so many amazingly talented people, including Jimmy Fallon, A.D. Miles, Gavin Purcell, Mike Shoemaker, Cory Cavin, Mike DiCenzo, Morgan Murphy, Jim Juvonen, Rob Crabbe, Marc Leipis, Bashir Salahuddin, Diallo Riddle, Tim McAuliffe, Chris Tartaro, Kim Armstrong, Edmond Hawkins, and basically everyone else that works there. Amy Ozols in particular, though, is supremely talented and inspiring to me. OH! And I cannot forget to say something about Michael Blieden. It's borderline embarrassing how much I admire him. I loved his work before I even consciously knew he existed. And now to know him and learn from him personally, it's been great.

Of all my friends-who-are-also-influences, I must take a moment to talk about Jon Friedman. He was at one of the first shows I did in New York City, hosting. He was so hilarious, we quickly became friends, and we have collaborated on many things since. When I was able bring him on at Fallon, it felt like a dream come true - because one of the things I've always dreamed about was being in a position one day to professionally surround myself with old friends who I also believed in comedically. Jon was the first person I was able to do that with, and hopefully won't be the last.

The Personal

There are a handful of people in my life, family, friends, and otherwise, who have had major impact on my comedy. I don't really want to name them here, since this is already the most self-indulgent, un-funny thing I've ever written, and, well, it's personal with these folks. Some of them are life-long friends, some of them are relatives, some of them are no longer a part of my life, some of them are from my childhood, some of them are from recently, some of them aren't alive anymore, some of them are people who rejected me, some of them are people who saved me, some of them taught me hard lessons, some of them are old bosses, some of them are strangers, some of them are ghosts. I would be remiss to not mention this group, because they've helped me more than anyone else. I guess this is the part where I say, "You know who you are." See? Boundaries! I'm learning to use them - SPARINGLY!

In conclusion, if being influenced by this many people makes me the biggest hack in the world, so be it. It wouldn't be worth it if I was alone in this crazy mind-fuck of a thing called the comedy biz.

For the 1 person who is still reading, I'm sorry I left you out.

LEO ALLEN (Comedy Central, SNL, Whiplash)
JAMIE KILSTEIN (The Onion contributor, BBC)

also...

Songs and a chat with TED LEO!!!

And MORE. Yes. This is going to be awesome. Hosted by Kim Armstrong
and myself.

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the F,
G, R train.)

FREE! FREE!

We have a really great and adorable lineup.

GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.

Featuring:

SEAN PATTON (Fresh off his NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT
on Late Night w/Jimmy Fallon!! YAY SEAN!)

COLIN JOST (SNL writer)

EDITH ZIMMERMAN (Wonderful. You need to discover her,
immediately. Writes for theawl.com, Huffy PoPo, and more.)

MIKE LAWRENCE (Just nominated for the ECNY Emerging
Comic Award. The funniest nerd I've ever met.)

Tuesday Feb 9, 8:00 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge
FREE!!!!

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the
F, G, R train.)

Hosted by Sara Schaefer & Kim Armstrong

Featuring:
CLAUDIA COGAN
KRISTEN SCHAAL
MICHELLE COLLINS
and more!

Tuesday January 12, 8:00 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge
FREE!!!!

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the
F, G, R train.)

GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.

Hosted by Sara Schaefer & Kim Armstrong

Featuring:
TOM SHILLUE
ANDREA ROSEN
MATT MCCARTHY
BRENT SULLIVAN

Tuesday January 12, 8:00 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge
NOTE: This time we're charging $5. We will
occasionally still have free shows though.

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the
F, G, R train.)

GET OFF YOUR KNEES
It's a comedy show.

Hosted by Sara Schaefer & Kim Armstrong

Featuring:
Michael Showalter (Michael & Michael Have Issues)
Morgan Murphy (Late Night With Jimmy Fallon)
Kumail Nanjiani (Letterman, Comedy Central)
Jon Friedman (Late Night With Jimmy Fallon)
and a special performance by Kirk Douglas (The Roots) and Mike
DiCenzo (Late Night With Jimmy Fallon)
Plus a very special guest!!

Tuesday December 8, 8:30 p.m.
The Bell House Lounge
IT'S FREE.

The Bell House is located in the Gowanus area of Park Slope, 149 7th Street
between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. (Near the 4th Ave / 9th Street stop on the
F, G, R train.)

Thanks to Donkiku for making that. I will be using it in a post on the site shortly.

Does anyone else find it a little insulting how the politicians and pundits assume that the women/people who were going to vote for Hillary (but aren't supporting Obama) would automatically support McCain due to his choice of Sarah Palin for VP? Does anyone realize how amazingly DIFFERENT these two women are? As far as I can tell, the ONLY thing they have in common is that they both have a vagina, and even still, Sarah Palin's vagina is probably enormous compared to Hillary's. (Just sayin'. She's pushed out 5 babies, Hillary only one.) I suppose there are some people who don't vote on the issues, but on their general feeling about a person, so maybe I could understand that. In my younger days, before I actually started paying attention, I thought all candidates were pretty much the same. That it didn't matter who was in the White House. But after the past 8 years, I am beginning to understand how crucial a difference it can make. If nothing else, a president and his staff set a certain tone, they portray a certain image, and, ultimately, they lead our country down one path or another. Considering all that, I cannot believe that someone who was so incredibly loyal to Hillary Clinton (so much so that they would not support Obama), could possibly feel the same love towards Sarah Palin (because in the end, you just want Clinton in the White House).

Ultimately, it (among several other things he's said and done) makes me question John McCain's attitude towards women in general. Does he think we're all stupid? Obviously there's the other side to this, that he picked Palin because she generally stands for the same things McCain stands for (though, I'm pretty sure most of the people he was considering stood for the same things he stood for, right?). Of course, that's not what people are focusing on - they keep going on about the PUMAs and Hillary supporters and that crucial cooter vote. Ugh. Nevertheless, I definitely respect both Clinton and Palin for putting themselves out there so that one day, a woman running in a presidential election won't be such a big deal, and we'll focus more on the issues at hand: i.e. banning Heidi Montag!!!

(I did this for bestweekever.tv - check it out!)