Alton Brown's Disgusting Idea of a Fruit Salad
If I had to pick one Food Network chef to live on a desert island with me, I'd pick Alton Brown.
He's like the MacGyver of food, so I know we'd never starve, and most likely Alton would figure out a way to build an escape raft out of molecular egg proteins.
I usually enjoy making his recipes, which often read like this:
Who knew pie crust could be so easy?!!
But Alton, I'm sorry...I don't know WHERE you got your idea for a fruit salad:
Ingredients:
3 cups chopped fruit - Got it...
1 teaspoon lemon juice - Sure, keeps it from gettin brown!
1 teaspoon honey - Mmm, yummy idea, Alton!
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract - I like where you're going with this!
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt - Okay, for contrast! How innovative!
1/2 cup plain yogurt - Um, okay, gettin' kinda gooey here but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Alton.
Freshly ground black pepper - Whoah there, hold up, easy there fella. Let's not go crazy or anything, all right? Everybody just calm down, he's not serious...
1/4 cup mayonnaise - WHAT? UM, NO, ALTON. NO. I don't CARE if it's the "BINDER." MAYO in a FRUIT SALAD? Are you out of your damn mind? GET OUT! JUST GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN! Actually, I know EXACTLY where you got your idea for this so-called "fruit salad" - you got it from a little town called DISGUSTINGVILLE, maybe? Ring a bell? OH, YOU DON'T REMEMBER? Funny, because last time I checked, you were the MAYOR!
Oh, Alton, I'm sorry, I've gone and upset you. Shhhhh, I still love you. Shhhhh. Come here.
It's not your fault.
Comments
I heartily agree that Alton Brown is the bee's knees or the cat's pajamas, or something else belonging to a small animal. His word is usually gospel.
However, I do agree with you concerns re: the mayo issue.
Still, one thing puzzles me-- as a southerner, I find it hard to believe that you've never encountered mayonnaise in a fruit salad before.
Sorry. That dog won't hunt, Monsignior.
Bored at work...
Posted by: Dan McCoy | April 4, 2006 10:11 AM
Did you even try it? I have to admit, it sounds gross, but you've got to try it first, right? Otherwise you just don't know what you're talking about.
Posted by: Josh | November 18, 2006 08:48 AM
i dont care wat alton brown says... hes a good cook :)... and hes very sexy... yuppems :)
Posted by: stella | July 23, 2007 01:30 AM
I've met Alton Brown, he's a nice guy...and he's got a great looking package :)
Posted by: Jeff | April 22, 2008 09:57 PM
Callm down.
That fruit salad. Is the best you'll ever taste.
I doubled the recipe and brought it to a party, and it wass like the only thing that got eaten.
It's crazy good, and you obviously haven't tried it.
Posted by: Janell | August 15, 2008 08:21 AM