Sara Schaefer

Now that I'm sans job, I'm making a fresh start.

I kicked it off with a week of relaxation and baby tending at my
sister's house in Flagstaff, AZ.

My name is Max. I know exactly 12 words.



I've heard the hummus here is excellent.



Do I have something on my face?



My name is Chloe. I'm happy.



Auntie Sara, you so funny!



I think I just pooped my pants.


Also, I've decided to get clean and quit diet coke. No need to get me on that show “Intervention” – I’m doing it all on my own, ya'll. I’ll admit though, it's been hard. For over a decade I have probably had 2-3 diet cokes a day.

Yes, I realize this means that everything under this skin of mine is made of tumors. But it's never too late. Doesn’t your whole body regenerate itself over a certain period of time? (***This just in: apparently, I’m a moron. There are many parts of your body that are permanent. Such as your teeth. Little known fact: traces of your mother’s breast milk, and all that acid you did back in high school, can still be found in your body. This might explain the occasional hallucination / spitting up episodes I've been having.)

So I’ve been searching for the perfect replacement for my diet coke fix. Someone suggested POM Tea. Have you seen this?

SO appealing! I love drinking infected urine samples!

Carbonated, crisp, sugar-free, non-cancer-causing, lightly caffeinated, does-not-look-like-a-urine-sample drink -

I WILL FIND YOU.