Sara Schaefer

Last night's ECNY Awards Show/Party was damn fun.

Literally the night before, I was lying in bed awake wondering how much longer
I could survive in this crazy biz. Wondering if maybe it was time for me to pack up,
move, have my own washer and dryer, pop out some babies, open up a boutique
where I sell ugly crewel embroidered pictures from the 1970's and lacey items I
myself have made, and eat good food.

(This stuff is going to sell like hot cakes!)

But sitting in that big room in Comix with all my friends and colleagues, all the people I've worked with, all the ones I would love to work with...it was kind of magical. Now, I wasn't nominated, so it was easy to enjoy the evening without any sort of internal freak out about winning or losing an award. So when I went up on stage to present the awards for "Achievement in Postcard or Flyer Design" and "Best Technician", I was literally about to break down in tears of joy and thank everyone in the audience for inspiring me to keep going, for giving me my 157th wind. But instead I riffed a couple of lines about how my SSIOWY postcard from years ago was the pinnacle of my career.

(I will take that lifetime achievement award now, thanks.)

I didn't want to come off as bitter, but I think it's just a result of the fact that right now, it's time for me to accept that I'm in the doldroms. I'm all up in those doldroms. It's winter (hate), I'm sad (mom), and I'm disillusioned (the douchebaggery quotient of the past six months has been staggering). Don't you worry about me though - I'm OKAY, I'm all right...one question though:

I've been staring at this picture for about 30 minutes now, and I feel nothing. Should I be worried?

I'm kidding. I feel a completely normal amount of rage when I look at it, so I think I must be doing okay. Seriously though...I am thinking of printing a really big version of that picture and putting it on display up on the wall behind me in my cubicle. Keep in mind, I have ZERO decorations in my cubicle...and no one really knows me here at this job. So I would love to see people's reactions and have them wonder if those are my children and my dog. Or if I'm just some kind of weirdo.