"I think it's time you write another blog entry.Subject:
the time we went to the beach and you met that boy Jake on that trolley
that transported people from Corolla Light [resort on the outer banks] to the
shops. You thought you two would be together eternally. In addition,
I remember you said to me:'As long as I have Jake in my life, I will be nice to you.'
We got off the trolley and you never saw Jake again.
Imagine what that did to me."
So you've just downloaded 5,000 animated smiley emoticons to your
computer and they are ready to use with your Smiley Toolbar straight
into all your e-mails!
I know, I can feel the excitement too. But don't go crazy. Try to be
selective with your usage of the emoticons, and be absolutely sure that
they are used in the most professional, and message-appropriate manner.
For example:
Nancy,I'm nearly finished with the report. I should have it on your desk
tomorrow first thing.
-Sara
Subtle, but powerful nonetheless.
Or how about this? Emoticons can also add that extra touch of class
needed for that important email to a superior.
Nancy,I've identified an issue with the Jonesville client. I believe their trading warrants further analysis. I'd be happy to take on this project if you like - unless you have something more pressing for me to tackle.
- Sara
Don't forget you can use your emoticons when addressing one of your subordinates (i.e., that temp 2 cubicles down).
Fred,Please stop looking at me.
-Sara
Or how about this - when you've got to own up to the boss about a mistake you've made?
Nancy,I discovered an error in the Jenkins analysis. It hasn't been sent out to the client yet, has it? If so, I apologize for the confusion - hopefully we can just send a new one and tell them there was a typo.
-Sara
[What I really love about the steering wheel-->explosion emoticon is that "I've just driven off a cliff - and finally, I'll be free from this cruel, cruel world" smile that washes over the little guy, just before he burns up in a firey ball of death. Leave it to an animated emoticon to really capture the most complex human emotions possible!]
- You've spent the past 3 hours checking off boxes like so:
- You write an email to a friend and accidentally push CTRL+V. This is what was on your clipboard:
519 S 02/10/06
519 S 05/23/06
519 S 09/12/06
519 P 01/03/07
519 S 02/07/07
519 S 06/22/07
519 RF 09/29/07
519 S 10/25/07
519 S 10/25/07
519 S 11/02/07
519 S 11/02/07
519 P 11/22/07
519 U 01/23/08
519 P 01/24/08
519 V 03/31/08
521 A 07/29/05
521 B 08/01/05
521 P 09/16/05
521 S 12/16/05
521 S 12/16/05
521 P 03/17/06
521 S 03/31/06
521 S 03/31/06
521 S 04/12/06
521 S 06/16/06
AND YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
- You actually downloaded one of those animated smiley face emoticon programs and you're using them like crazy in all your emails.
e.g.
Nancy,
Jim just informed me of the little glitch with the database where you have to click OUT of the box in order for your changes to be saved. So I'm a little delayed in getting that report to you. FYI.
-Sara
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There was The Party.
Oh Damon...you hunk of a man you.
Those lucky enough to have Disney Channel growing up will know exactly what
I'm talking about. For others, please turn your eyes upon exhibit A:
Yes, this is the band that spun-off from The Mickey Mouse Club (MMC, duh).
Here's their better known hit, "I Found Love":
I don't know why I'm thinking of The Party. Maybe in my attempts to avoid
burning down America [who just voted Carly off Idol], my mind reverted to
a simpler, more Blossom Hatty time.
Here's a little taste of some footage from a new video from me, Ann Car, Adira Amram,
Becky Yamamoto, and Katina Corrao. The inimitable and dashing Andy Stuckey
(of Stuckey & Murray) helped us shoot the video. Can't wait to show you the finished product!
My sister reminded me of the hilarious term "dip". I had not thought about this in
a long time. Dip is used to describe what you do to your dog to eradicate / prevent
fleas. As exemplified here in sentence form:
"Molly has lots of fleas and needs to go get dipped."
And here in conversation form:
Lady at groomer: "You want the works?"
My mom: "what's the works?"
"Bath, trim, dip, bows."
My mom: "Oh we definitely want dip."
Dip! When I was younger (and even now) I would just imagine my dog handcuffed and
dangling from a giant metal hook as she is lowered into a cauldron of bubbling and smoking
green thick liquid.
So it makes me wonder...what IS dip?
"INSTRUCTIONS: Sponge, dip or spray animal with diluted product, making sure all areas are soaked to the skin. Let animal drip dry. Do not rinse off."
LET ANIMAL DRIP DRY! Awww. Dip your puppy into a bucket of this stuff and then make him stand there while he shivers uncontrollably...it might be momentarily cruel but...we all know that when an animal is wet, their smallness (which is in direct proportion to their cuteness) is significantly amplified, and thereby TOTALLY JUSTIFIED.
Now wait just a minute...right after the instructions it reads:
CAUTION: Hazards to Humans and Domestic Animals: Wash thoroughly with soap and water after handling.
Hazardous to domestic animals??? Wash thoroughly with soap and water after handling? Dude, I just DIPPED MY ENTIRE DOG IN THIS GOO, AND AS PER YOUR OWN INSTRUCTIONS, I AM NOT ALLOWED TO RINSE HIM OFF! What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Dip...shit.
Here's a video of my performance at The Rejection Show on Valentine's Day.
Warning: footage of me as a ten-year-old with a semi-mullet ahead!
This is also a preview of a bit from my show, "Sara Schaefer's One Sara Show" which, I am happy
to announce, will be debuting officially at Ars Nova on June 17!
As mentioned yesterday, I made a promotional video for Ars Nova's new play "BOOM".
I read the script and can't wait to see the performance. If you're in the city, you should
go see it. I made a video with the playwright Peter Sinn Nachtrieb and director Alex
Timbers. We had so much fun pretending to be pretentious theatre people. I also learned
some new skills in final cut during the editing process for this so I'm proud. [See that tiny
"ars nova nyc.com" logo watermark? That little bitch damn near gave me an aneurism.]
